So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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