I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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