Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize