Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
