dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
