How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
