Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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