i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
