You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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