sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
