Sponge bath it is.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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