Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
