you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
