apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
