Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
