i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
