he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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