So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The air was thick with penises
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
