Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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