Whod you bang
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize