Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
