So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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