Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
