I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
