Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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