He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
