Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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