and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
