I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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