I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
