dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
