I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
