Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
