Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
