How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You've changed since you got that strap on
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
