I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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