He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
