i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
