drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
