I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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