I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just had sex bonerless
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
