Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
