I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
