She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I fill condoms, not promises.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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