Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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