At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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