tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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