The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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