Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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