she woke up with a sticky ear
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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