having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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