Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
