i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
