Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
