i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
