His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
