kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
