My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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