Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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