I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
