Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
