Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
