i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
